As a child, my mind would wander so easily. I never paid attention in church and when my parents asked, "What did you learn in church today?" I could never tell them. I learned to dislike sitting through church - probably because I never got anything out of it. I kept up this habit through my teen years and even into my early adult years. There were definitely times when I'd recommit to paying attention and learning, and I'd do well for a while, but always I'd slip back into my habit of letting my mind wander through meetings and not benefiting from them.
Somehow, I must have absorbed something I was being taught all those years, because I've always had a testimony of the gospel and I have fairly decent gospel knowledge. But however I learned it, it wasn't through active participation.
I remember a specific time visiting teaching with my neighbor, Joyce Huff, who was giving the lesson based on a recent General Conference talk. We were visiting Lois Jarman, and I was probably about 27 years old. She gave a great lesson, and pointed out some wonderful things that were said by the leaders of the church. I was inspired and loved what she had said. Then she talked about General Conference as a whole and went on and on about how much she loved it and how much she felt like they were talking just to her. I could tell through her words that she really, really, truly loved listening to Conference.
I thought to myself, "What's wrong with me? Why do I have such a hard time getting anything out of it. I'm an adult, shouldn't I love conference too? How come I don't love it. How come I'd rather sleep through it?"
Well, I'm proud to say, that after 36 years of life, I now really LOVE General Conference. This has been the first time in my life that I have really really looked forward to hearing 10 hours of talks! And this is the first time that I didn't dread having to attend the Women's session the Saturday before. I finally understand the joy that Joyce was expressing at having listened to the word of God though his servants - because I feel that now too!
So how did it happen? How did I change my attitude and how did I finally turn into the grown-up that I've always felt I should be? Here's how! I immersed myself in General Conference.
About 2 years ago I was called into our ward Relief Society Presidency as the 2nd Counselor. I knew the women I was working with were incredible Christ-like women, and I knew that I needed to be able to keep up with them. I knew that I needed to be a better person in order to fulfill my duties in this calling. I knew I'd need the spirit with me more. I knew I needed improvements in many areas of my life. So I thought to myself, "I'll start by reading General Conference talks." Every night, I'd lay in bed, bring up conference talks on my phone, and read. At first it was a chore. But I made myself do it knowing that I really needed it. Little by little, the chore started to become a habit. Then little by little, I actually started to look forward to this habit. Then little by little, I found myself not being able to live without it. I changed my routine from reading in bed at night to listening to the talks each morning as I got ready for my day (which is what I still am currently doing each day). But the time of day didn't matter, it was just simply that I found time to listen.
I can't tell you what a difference this has made for me in my life. Learning to love General Conference causes me to start my days in good moods. I have good days a lot now - all the time! I have found myself to be closer to the spirit and I have more promptings and nudges from the spirit than I've had at any other time in my life. I have found myself to be more aware of things I need to improve and weaknesses I need to work on. But these realizations have not been in a depressing sort of way - it's in a way that I'm inspired to change those weaknesses and a way that I feel motivated to do so. For example, our family has been having regular scripture study for over a year now because of motivation I received from listening to these talks. So the benefits have even been spilling over into my family's lives too. Truly, I am spiritually fed on a regular basis. And if I am extra busy and forget to turn the talks on, I really feel their absence. It has been an incredible change in my life - and I LOVE IT!
So a few days ago, I was pondering this change in my life and reflecting on what a difference it has made. Then I thought back to my experience with Joyce Huff and realized that I've finally grown up to be like her! I've finally (though maybe a little late!) put forth the effort to let my spirit grow up! I love General Conference, I love reading the scriptures, I look forward to Sunday meetings and listening to talks. I feel like I've finally grown up!
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