I Grew Up!

     As a child, my mind would wander so easily.  I never paid attention in church and when my parents asked, "What did you learn in church today?" I could never tell them.  I learned to dislike sitting through church - probably because I never got anything out of it.  I kept up this habit through my teen years and even into my early adult years.  There were definitely times when I'd recommit to paying attention and learning, and I'd do well for a while, but always I'd slip back into my habit of letting my mind wander through meetings and not benefiting from them.
   Somehow, I must have absorbed something I was being taught all those years, because I've always had a testimony of the gospel and I have fairly decent gospel knowledge.  But however I learned it, it wasn't through active participation.
     I remember a specific time visiting teaching with my neighbor, Joyce Huff, who was giving the lesson based on a recent General Conference talk.  We were visiting Lois Jarman, and I was probably about 27 years old.  She gave a great lesson, and pointed out some wonderful things that were said by the leaders of the church.  I was inspired and loved what she had said.  Then she talked about General Conference as a whole and went on and on about how much she loved it and how much she felt like they were talking just to her.  I could tell through her words that she really, really, truly loved listening to Conference.
     I thought to myself, "What's wrong with me?  Why do I have such a hard time getting anything out of it.  I'm an adult, shouldn't I love conference too?  How come I don't love it.  How come I'd rather sleep through it?"
     Well, I'm proud to say, that after 36 years of life, I now really LOVE General Conference.  This has been the first time in my life that I have really really looked forward to hearing 10 hours of talks!  And this is the first time that I didn't dread having to attend the Women's session the Saturday before.   I finally understand the joy that Joyce was expressing at having listened to the word of God though his servants - because I feel that now too!
     So how did it happen?  How did I change my attitude and how did I finally turn into the grown-up that I've always felt I should be?  Here's how!  I immersed myself in General Conference.
     About 2 years ago I was called into our ward Relief Society Presidency as the 2nd Counselor.  I knew the women I was working with were incredible Christ-like women, and I knew that I needed to be able to keep up with them.  I knew that I needed to be a better person in order to fulfill my duties in this calling.  I knew I'd need the spirit with me more.  I knew I needed improvements in many areas of my life.  So I thought to myself, "I'll start by reading General Conference talks."  Every night, I'd lay in bed, bring up conference talks on my phone, and read.  At first it was a chore.  But I made myself do it knowing that I really needed it.  Little by little, the chore started to become a habit.  Then little by little, I actually started to look forward to this habit.  Then little by little, I found myself not being able to live without it.  I changed my routine from reading in bed at night to listening to the talks each morning as I got ready for my day (which is what I still am currently doing each day).  But the time of day didn't matter, it was just simply that I found time to listen.
     I can't tell you what a difference this has made for me in my life.  Learning to love General Conference causes me to start my days in good moods.  I have good days a lot now - all the time!  I have found myself to be closer to the spirit and I have more promptings and nudges from the spirit than I've had at any other time in my life.  I have found myself to be more aware of things I need to improve and weaknesses I need to work on.  But these realizations have not been in a depressing sort of way - it's in a way that I'm inspired to change those weaknesses and a way that I feel motivated to do so.  For example, our family has been having regular scripture study for over a year now because of motivation I received from listening to these talks.  So the benefits have even been spilling over into my family's lives too.  Truly, I am spiritually fed on a regular basis.  And if I am extra busy and forget to turn the talks on, I really feel their absence.  It has been an incredible change in my life - and I LOVE IT!
     So a few days ago, I was pondering this change in my life and reflecting on what a difference it has made.  Then I thought back to my experience with Joyce Huff and realized that I've finally grown up to be like her!  I've finally (though maybe a little late!) put forth the effort to let my spirit grow up! I love General Conference, I love reading the scriptures, I look forward to Sunday meetings and listening to talks.  I feel like I've finally grown up!
   

Pray for Help! A Lesson Just for Me

     Over spring break our family, along with the Ruiz family, took a vacation to the Grand Canyon.  We spent April 2nd-6th exploring the wonderful things the Grand Canyon had to offer.  It was majestic, vast and truly beautiful.  We really loved it. 

     

     While there, we frequently rode around the national park on the bus system they provide to help us get from one site to another.  At one point, Geoff boarded a waiting bus with a total of 6 children - all 4 of ours and 2 of the Ruiz kids.  The kids were being loud and rowdy and were having a grand time.  I boarded the bus a few minutes later and as I got on, I noticed only 1 other family on the bus.  A husband, a wife, and a teenage son.  She must not have realized I was joining Geoff and kids because as I walked by, I saw her lean over to her husband and heard her whisper to him, "Those kids are brats!"  She sounded pretty disgusted with their behavior.

     

     I just walked by and pretended not to hear, but immediately my gut feelings took over and I felt defensive.  As I sat next to Geoff I stewed and let my thoughts go crazy on all the mean things I'd say to her and her family if I had the courage to really get up and say them!  Who did she think she was, anyway?  And why did she think she was justified in being such a judgmental jerk?  I stewed for quite a while. 

     

     Fast forward a few days to when we returned back home and life was back to our normal routine.  As I was getting ready for the day, I listened to a Conference Talk given by Neill F. Marriot, entitled "What Shall We Do?" that has just been delivered at the April, 2016 conference.  She told the following story about receiving an anonymous phone call:

   

The caller asked, “Are you Neill Marriott, the mother of a big family?”

I answered happily, “Yes!” expecting to hear her say something like, “Well, that’s good!”

But no! I’ll never forget her reply as her voice crackled over the phone: “I am highly offended that you would bring children onto this overcrowded planet!”

“Oh,” I sputtered, “I see how you feel.”

She snapped, “No—you don’t!”

I then whimpered, “Well, maybe I don’t.”

She started on a rant about my foolish choice to be a mother. As she went on, I began to pray for help, and a gentle thought came to mind: “What would the Lord say to her?” I then felt I was standing on solid ground and gained courage at the thought of Jesus Christ.

I replied, “I am glad to be a mother, and I promise you I will do everything in my power to nurture my children in such a way that they will make the world a better place.”

She replied, “Well, I hope you do!” and hung up.

     Immediately after hearing that story, my thoughts were turned to that time on the Grand Canyon bus where a woman had said something offensive about my family.  And immediately, I realized that Heavenly Father had just taught me a very specific lesson that was just for me.  

     When faced with an awkward and offensive situation, this wonderful example, Sister Marriott, had a Christ-like instict and prayed for help.  She immediately turned to the Lord and was blessed because of it.  She left her situation feeling peace and feeling great about defending the family in a Christ-like way.  

     I, on the other hand, had also been faced with an awkward and offensive situation and had reacted in a completely opposite way.  I did not instinctively turn to Christ like thoughts and I did not pray for help.  Instead I let a defensive, offended heart take hold of my thoughts.  I had terrible and mean thoughts and tried to make myself feel better by mimicking the same rude behavior she had shown to me.  I did not feel peace after the situation was over, but felt frustration for quite some time.

     What a humbling lesson.  I have realized that I need to turn away from these "natural man" reactions that I so often exemplify.  Alternatively, I need to learn to pray for help first thing.  I need to rely on Christ and the Holy Ghost for the right words to say and think.  I would love to feel peace and assurance after situations like this, not frustration and regret.  But how?  

     Well, I'm not so sure I know that answer to that.  But I do know one thing:  Heavenly Father gave me this lesson for a reason.  So in my search for the answer, I'll put in to place the very lesson that I've just learned - I'll pray for help.

The Nourishing Word of God

     On Feb. 19th, 2016, our family was in a car accident.  It was my fault.  I failed to see a car coming in an intersection where I should have been yielding to them.  I made it most of the way across the intersection, but the car still T-boned us on our back passenger side.  The driver hit us so hard our car flipped around 180 degrees, and our tire was so bent up that our van wouldn't even drive.  It had to be towed away.  No one was hurt, but nonetheless the whole experience was awful.
     I quickly realized it was going to take a while for my brain to purge itself of the trauma and surprise of it all.  As soon as we made it safely home the accident started playing over and over in my head.  I couldn't think of much else despite efforts to keep myself busy and to distract myself.  I found myself  constantly having to take deep breaths, I couldn't sleep, and knew that some anxiety had really set in.  If my husband Geoff were near me, or would hug me, I'd be ok.  But unfortunately he left on a business trip the morning after the accident and I was left to deal with it on my own.  I had resigned myself to just pushing through.  I knew it wouldn't last forever, and if I could just make it through the first few days the effect would start to lessen until it went away.
     But luckily for me, I had gotten myself into the habit of listening to the scriputres and LDS General Conference talks while I did mundane tasks around the house - laundry, dishes, getting ready for the day, etc.  So that Saturday morning after Geoff left, I dumped a few loads of laundry on my bed and started to sort it as I listened to a Conference talk.  It only took a few minutes before I realized that I was breathing normally again.  My body felt calm and it was really refreshing when I realized my brain was focusing on the words of the talk and not the replay of the accident.  Listening to Conference had resulted in my anxiety symptoms disappearing!  It was incredible!  You can bet that I listened all weekend long.  Literally - every waking minute I was listening to either the Book of Mormon or to the conference talks.  And after a few days of listening, I was fine again.
     The Book of Mormon has two references to being "nourished by the word of god" (Jacob 6:7, Moroni 6:4).  I truly believe this is what happened to me on that Saturday morning.  I was literally nourished and healed by the word of god.
     Most of the time we think of the spiritual nourishment and benefits we get from the scriptures.  And there certainly are a million and one ways that the word of god can nourish us spiritually.  But I feel this case was a little more unique.  I was physically nourished by the word of god that day.  There was a literal physical effect on my mortal body because I was listening to the word of god.
     It made me start to think about how important it really, really is to constantly be immersed in the scriptures and the word of god.  To always have the word of god on the forefront of your mind can change the outcome of your day, keep you focused on Christ, and give the foundation you need to get though the scary things we face in life.  And in some cases, the nourishing word of god can even physically change and heal a person as it did for me.  Truly, the word of god may be some of the most important nourishment we can get.

Welcome!

Welcome!  I can't help but shake the feeling that I've got to, I've really got to, start writing down the experiences I have that shape my life.  They come so often, yet are so quickly forgotten because I don't write them down.  So, here they are.  These are my personal rocks - the rocks I'm using to build my foundation on Christ.

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea when all his hail and his mighty storms shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."  - Helaman 5:12